cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
