the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she peed on how many people?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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