i wish peter jackson would direct porn
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
