the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
