I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
