If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
