I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
where am i from again
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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