i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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