My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My balls are so social today.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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