I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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