She's JV to your varsity
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
