When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
