I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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