it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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