i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
