I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
