He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
