Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize