She's JV to your varsity
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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