Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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