ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
