We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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