i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
