i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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