R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Boobs are out for the taking
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
