Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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