Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
