did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
