the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
