3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize