I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize