i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
