in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Two words: nipple clamps
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