I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
