i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
