Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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