I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
