Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
