We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
