You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
