I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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