just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
