So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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