OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
