Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Two words: blizzard sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
