The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
