How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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