I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
