i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
