the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
