This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
