OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
