You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize