i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
