You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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