I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
