This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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