if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Your mouth is God's brothel.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
