If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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