it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
