I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
