She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize