Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
