Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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