it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
