I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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