I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
