Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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