i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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