We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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