Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
